I started this blog when I was 15 and thought that an about me page was absolutely necessary. Now I’m not sure. But I still have one, so maybe I should put some writing here again.
As you may discover, I post a lot of quotes; also, I love Breaking Bad and the great outdoors, and language in general.
Also: I’m overwhelmingly in love with love. I make an honest effort to let love be the motivation behind everything I say and do, which often involves wearing my heart on my sleeve and allowing it to be ripped to pieces. When this happens, I spend weeks sewing it back together. But rather than attempting to numb the pain, I try to feel it— I used to think that made me fragile, but now I know it makes me strong. See, numbness and depression and occasionally cynicism characterized me for the better part of high school. Numbness was my defense against feeling to the point of breaking, and I think escaping that cycle was one of the most difficult and rewarding things I’ve done. I would never willingly trade this for that again.
I have a million flaws and I’m finally at peace with that. For years I struggled with obsessive perfectionism and self-criticism; then one day I understood that it is literally impossible to live without flaws. Now I embrace mine and gravitate toward other people who embrace theirs, and I have never felt so free.
That being said, I am dysthymic. It’s unlikely I’ll ever permanently escape depression, but knowing that doesn’t make me any less willing to fight it. I don’t do anything halfway; there is zero appeal in living half a life. I will either live as fully as one can live or I will give up. My transition to college has been a chronicle of my deliberate choice to live fully in each moment and not get swept away in imaginary scenarios and memories long passed. So far, it has made such a difference. My entire view of myself and others has changed for the better. And I’ve fallen silently in love with at least five people since I’ve gotten here; I’ve discovered that’s a side effect of living.
I’m also appallingly honest sometimes, as evidenced by what I just wrote, haha. I have no patience for lying to myself, let alone other people. I can’t stand the idea of contriving a false image of myself (it seriously irritates me when others do this; it takes courage to face yourself, yes, but if you’re clinging to a false, puffed-up image of yourself no wonder you’re lonely, ya know?). I don’t like small talk that doesn’t progress into something more real and relevant. Small talk for the sake of small talk sucks… no one benefits.
Anyway, here are some more facts:
I am an INFP, if this is significant to you (more specifically, on the line between introvert/extrovert and feeler/thinker). I am agnostic but spiritual. I believe we should love without boundaries. I haven’t declared a major yet: English, psychology, music, computer science, international relations, philosophy, and business management are all of interest and I’m struggling to narrow down my options. I am a chronic procrastinator, which may be one of the reasons I haven’t narrowed down my options yet. I love to travel, but I’ve never left the country. I like to discover new ideas and perspectives and music. In my free time I am usually watching a documentary or a TED talk…….hahaha.
Some of my favorite movies are Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Waking Life, Trainspotting, Donnie Darko, The Breakfast Club, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, American Beauty, The Truman Show, Lost in Translation, The Shining, Requiem for a Dream, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and Into the Wild.
I listen to Amanda Palmer, Andrew Bird, Animal Collective, Arcade Fire, Band of Skulls, Ben Folds, The Black Keys, Bon Iver, Brand New, Brandi Carlile, Bright Eyes, Cage the Elephant, Coldplay, Conor Oberst, Dave Matthews Band, Death Cab for Cutie, The Dresden Dolls, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, Fink, Fiona Apple, Fleet Foxes, Iron & Wine, James Vincent McMorrow, Kate Nash, Kings of Convenience, Kings of Leon, Kishi Bashi, Local Natives, Manchester Orchestra, MGMT, Miike Snow, Modest Mouse, Monsters of Folk, Muse, The National, Radiohead, Ray Lamontagne, Regina Spektor, Say Hi, S. Carey, The Shins, Spoon, Sufjan Stevens, Thom Yorke, Vampire Weekend, Wilco (these are my favorites, anyway).